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1/6
Scout
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Soldier
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Pyro
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Demoman
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Heavy
(4 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(4 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Engineer
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Medic
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Sniper
(4 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(4 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
Spy
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
(3 ITEMS IN INVENTORY)
>> Weapons
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
1
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
1
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
>> Hats
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
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0
0
0
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0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
>> Crafting
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
>> Tools
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
0
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0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
0
>> Mann Co. Supply Crate
#1
0
#2
0
#3
0
#4
0
#5
0
#6
0
#7
0
#8
0
#9
0
#10
0
#11
0
#12
0
#13
0
#14
0
#15
0
#16
0
#17
0
#18
0
#19
0
#20
0
#21
0
#22
0
#23
0
#24
0
#25
0
#26
0
#27
0
#28
0
#29
0
#30
0
#31
0
#32
0
#33
0
#34
0
#35
0
#36
0
#37
0
#38
0
#39
0
#40
0
#41
0
#42
0
#43
0
#44
0
#45
0
#46
0
#47
0
#48
0
#49
0
#50
0
#51
0
#52
0
#53
0
#54
0
#55
0
#56
0
#57
0
#58
0
#59
0
#60
0
#61
0
#62
0
#63
0
#64
0
#65
0
#66
0
#67
0
#68
0
#69
0
#70
0
#71
0
#72
0
#73
0
#74
0
#75
0
#76
0
#77
0
#78
0
#79
0
#80
0
#81
0
#82
0
#83
0
>> Misc
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
1
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
1
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
1
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
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0
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0
0
0
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0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
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0
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0
0
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0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
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0
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0
0
0
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0
0
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0
0
0
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0
0
0
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0
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0
0
0
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0
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0
0
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0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
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0
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0
0
0
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0
0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
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0
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0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
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0
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0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
0
0
0
0
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0
0
Ghostly Gibus
Level 10 Hat
Dominate a player wearing any Gibus hat, collect the Ghostly Gibus,
and take your rightful place on the
Halloween-update-related-hat-throne.
( Not Tradable )
The Huntsman
Level 10 Bow
( Not Tradable )
Pyrovision Goggles
Level 68 Pyrovision Goggles
Enter a world of imagination that's far superior to the crap-ass
worlds of imagination you get from books. Pyrovision lets you see the
TF2niverse from our favorite arsonist's perspective.
vision opt in flags (1)
On Equip: Visit Pyroland
( Not Tradable )
The Dalokohs Bar
Level 1 Lunch Box
Adds +50 max health for 30 seconds
Mercenary
Level 5 Badge
Even though you were late to the party, you were still the life of it.
Hire Date: January 8, 2014 (23:03:49 GMT)
( Not Tradable )
Scattergun
Level 1 Scattergun
Pistol
Level 1 Pistol
Bat
Level 1 Bat
Rocket Launcher
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Shovel
Level 1 Shovel
Flame Thrower
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Fire Axe
Level 1 Fire Axe
Stickybomb Launcher
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Grenade Launcher
Level 1 Grenade Launcher
Bottle
Level 1 Bottle
Minigun
Level 1 Minigun
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Fists
Level 1 Fists
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Pistol
Level 1 Pistol
Wrench
Level 1 Wrench
Syringe Gun
Level 1 Syringe Gun
Medi Gun
Level 1 Medi Gun
Bonesaw
Level 1 Bonesaw
Sniper Rifle
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
SMG
Level 1 SMG
Kukri
Level 1 Kukri
Revolver
Level 1 Revolver
Knife
Level 1 Knife
Invis Watch
Level 1 Invis Watch
Scattergun
Level 1 Scattergun
Pistol
Level 1 Pistol
Bat
Level 1 Bat
Rocket Launcher
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Shovel
Level 1 Shovel
Flame Thrower
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Fire Axe
Level 1 Fire Axe
Stickybomb Launcher
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Grenade Launcher
Level 1 Grenade Launcher
Bottle
Level 1 Bottle
Minigun
Level 1 Minigun
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Fists
Level 1 Fists
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Pistol
Level 1 Pistol
Wrench
Level 1 Wrench
Syringe Gun
Level 1 Syringe Gun
Medi Gun
Level 1 Medi Gun
Bonesaw
Level 1 Bonesaw
Sniper Rifle
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
SMG
Level 1 SMG
Kukri
Level 1 Kukri
Revolver
Level 1 Revolver
Invis Watch
Level 1 Invis Watch
Knife
Level 1 Knife
Bat
Level 1 Bat
Bottle
Level 1 Bottle
Fire Axe
Level 1 Fire Axe
Kukri
Level 1 Kukri
Knife
Level 1 Knife
Fists
Level 1 Fists
Shovel
Level 1 Shovel
Wrench
Level 1 Wrench
Bonesaw
Level 1 Bonesaw
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Shotgun
Level 1 Shotgun
Scattergun
Level 1 Scattergun
Sniper Rifle
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Minigun
Level 1 Minigun
SMG
Level 1 SMG
Syringe Gun
Level 1 Syringe Gun
Rocket Launcher
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Grenade Launcher
Level 1 Grenade Launcher
Stickybomb Launcher
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Flame Thrower
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Pistol
Level 1 Pistol
Pistol
Level 1 Pistol
Revolver
Level 1 Revolver
Construction PDA
Level 1 PDA
Destruction PDA
Level 1 PDA
Disguise Kit
Level 1 ...Cigarette Case?
PDA
Level 1 PDA
Medi Gun
Level 1 Medi Gun
Invis Watch
Level 1 Invis Watch
The Kritzkrieg
Level 8 Medi Gun
+25% ÜberCharge rate
ÜberCharge grants 100% critical chance
The Blutsauger
Level 5 Syringe Gun
On Hit: +3 health
-2 health drained per second on wearer
The Ubersaw
Level 10 Bonesaw
On Hit: 25% ÜberCharge added
-20% slower firing speed
The Axtinguisher
Level 10 Fire Axe
100% critical hits burning players from behind.
Mini-crits burning players from the front.
-50% damage vs non-burning players
No random critical hits
The Flare Gun
Level 10 Flare Gun
The Backburner
Level 10 Flame Thrower
100% critical hits from behind
+150% airblast cost
Natascha
Level 5 Minigun
On Hit: 100% chance to slow target
+50% max primary ammo on wearer
-25% damage penalty
30% slower spin up time
The Sandvich
Level 1 Lunch Box
The Killing Gloves of Boxing
Level 7 Boxing Gloves
On Kill: 5 seconds of 100% critical chance
-20% slower firing speed
The Sandman
Level 15 Bat
Alt-Fire: Launches a ball that stuns opponents
-15 max health on wearer
The Force-A-Nature
Level 10 Scattergun
Knockback on the target and shooter
+50% faster firing speed
+20% bullets per shot
-10% damage penalty
-66% clip size
Bonk! Atomic Punch
Level 5 Lunch Box
The Huntsman
Level 10 Bow
The Razorback
Level 10 Shield
Blocks a single backstab attempt
Jarate
Level 5 Jar Based Karate
Coated enemies take mini-crits
Also handy for putting out a fire
The Dead Ringer
Level 5 Invis Watch
+80% cloak regen rate
Cloak Type: Feign Death
+60% cloak drain rate
The Cloak and Dagger
Level 5 Invis Watch
+100% cloak regen rate
Cloak Type: Motion Sensitive
The Ambassador
Level 5 Revolver
Crits on headshot
-15% damage penalty
-20% slower firing speed
The Direct Hit
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
+80% projectile speed
+25% damage bonus
Mini-crits targets launched airborne by explosions
-70% explosion radius
The Equalizer
Level 10 Pickaxe
Damage increases as the user becomes injured
Blocks healing while in use
The Buff Banner
Level 5 Battle Banner
Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.
Rage increases through damage done.
The Scottish Resistance
Level 5 Stickybomb Launcher
+25% faster firing speed
Detonates stickybombs near the crosshair and directly under your feet
Able to destroy enemy stickybombs
+50% max secondary ammo on wearer
+6 max pipebombs out
0.8 sec slower bomb arm time
The Chargin' Targe
Level 10 Shield
Alt-Fire: Gain increased attack power by
charging toward your enemies.
+50% fire damage resistance on wearer
+40% explosive damage resistance on wearer
Immune to the effects of afterburn.
The Eyelander
Level 5 Sword
This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.
No random critical hits
-25 max health on wearer
The Gunboats
Level 10 Boots
-60% blast damage from rocket jumps
The Wrangler
Level 5 Laser Pointer
Take manual control of your Sentry Gun
Frontier Justice
Level 5 Shotgun
When your sentry is destroyed you
gain revenge crits for every sentry kill
No random critical hits
-50% clip size
The Gunslinger
Level 15 Robot Arm
+25 max health on wearer
Replaces the Sentry with a fast building Mini-Sentry
No random critical hits
The Homewrecker
Level 5 Sledgehammer
100% damage vs buildings
Damage removes Sappers
-25% damage vs players
The Pain Train
Level 5 Makeshift Club
+1 capture rate on wearer
10% bullet damage vulnerability on wearer
The Southern Hospitality
Level 20 Wrench
On Hit: Bleed for 5 seconds
No random critical hits
20% fire damage vulnerability on wearer
The Dalokohs Bar
Level 1 Lunch Box
Adds +50 max health for 30 seconds
The Lugermorph
Level 5 Pistol
The ultimate in semi-concealed weaponry.
There's no question you need this gun,
the only question is: where will you keep it?
The Big Kill
Level 5 Revolver
Combines style with stopping power.
Long exclusive to Freelance Police,
now available for other blood-thirsty mercenaries.
Crit-a-Cola
Level 5 Lunch Box
While under the effects, +25% movement speed,
your attacks mini-crit, and damage taken increased by 10%.
The Golden Wrench
Level 25 Wrench
Imbued with an ancient power
( Not Tradable )
The Tribalman's Shiv
Level 5 Kukri
On Hit: Bleed for 6 seconds
-50% damage penalty
The Scotsman's Skullcutter
Level 5 Axe
+20% damage bonus
15% slower move speed on wearer
The Vita-Saw
Level 5 Bonesaw
On death up to 20% of your stored
ÜberCharge is retained
-10 max health on wearer
The Powerjack
Level 5 Sledgehammer
+75 health restored on kill
+15% faster move speed on wearer
When weapon is active:
20% damage vulnerability on wearer
The Degreaser
Level 10 Flame Thrower
65% faster weapon switch
-25% afterburn damage penalty
-10% damage penalty
The Shortstop
Level 1 Peppergun
Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.
+20% bonus healing while deployed.
Increase in push force taken from damage and airblast
The Holy Mackerel
Level 42 Fish
Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.
Mad Milk
Level 5 Non-Milk Substance
Players heal 60% of the damage done
to an enemy covered with milk.
L'Etranger
Level 5 Revolver
+15 cloak on hit
+40% cloak duration
-20% damage penalty
Your Eternal Reward
Level 1 Knife
Upon a successful backstab against a human target, you rapidly disguise as your victim
Silent Killer: No attack noise from backstabs
Wearer cannot disguise
The Battalion's Backup
Level 10 Battle Banner
Provides a defensive buff that protects
nearby team members from crits,
incoming sentry damage by 50%
and 35% from all other sources.
Rage increases through damage done.
+20 max health on wearer
The Black Box
Level 5 Rocket Launcher
On Hit: +15 health
-25% clip size
The Sydney Sleeper
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
On Hit: Jarate applied to target for 8 seconds
+25% charge rate
No headshots
No random critical hits
Darwin's Danger Shield
Level 10 Shield
+25 max health on wearer
+15% bullet damage resistance on wearer
20% explosive damage vulnerability on wearer
The Bushwacka
Level 5 Kukri
Crits whenever it would normally mini-crit
20% fire damage vulnerability on wearer
No random critical hits
The Rocket Jumper
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
A special no-damage rocket launcher for learning
rocket jump tricks and patterns.
No self inflicted blast damage taken
+200% max primary ammo on wearer
-100% damage penalty
No random critical hits
Wearer cannot carry the intelligence briefcase
Gloves of Running Urgently
Level 10 Boxing Gloves
+30% faster move speed on wearer
When weapon is active:
-25% damage penalty
You are marked for death while active, and for short period after switching weapons
The Frying Pan
Level 5 Frying Pan
The Sticky Jumper
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
A special no-damage stickybomb launcher for learning stickybomb jump
tricks and patterns.
No self inflicted blast damage taken
+200% max secondary ammo on wearer
override projectile type (14)
-100% damage penalty
No random critical hits
-6 max pipebombs out
Wearer cannot carry the intelligence briefcase
Unusual Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker
Level 5 Axe
Cursed by dark spirits similar to
those that dwell within the Eyelander.
No random critical hits
-25 max health on wearer
The Lugermorph
Level 5 Pistol
The ultimate in semi-concealed weaponry.
There's no question you need this gun,
the only question is: where will you keep it?
The Enthusiast's Timepiece
Level 5 Invis Watch
( Not Tradable )
Iron Curtain
Level 5 Minigun
( Not Tradable )
The Amputator
Level 15 Bonesaw
On Taunt: Applies a healing effect to all nearby teammates
+3 health regenerated per second on wearer
When weapon is active:
-20% damage penalty
Crusader's Crossbow
Level 15 Crossbow
Fires special bolts that heal teammates and deal damage based on distance traveled
No headshots
-75% max primary ammo on wearer
The Ullapool Caber
Level 10 Stick Bomb
High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...
No random critical hits
The Loch-n-Load
Level 10 Grenade Launcher
+20% damage bonus
+25% projectile speed
-50% clip size
+25% damage to self
Launched bombs shatter on surfaces
The Warrior's Spirit
Level 10 Boxing Gloves
+30% damage bonus
-20 max health on wearer
The Buffalo Steak Sandvich
Level 1 Lunch Box
While under the effects, move speed is increased,
attacks mini-crit, damage taken will be increased 25%,
and the player may only use melee weapons.
Who needs bread?
The Brass Beast
Level 5 Minigun
+20% damage bonus
50% slower spin up time
-60% slower move speed while deployed
The Candy Cane
Level 25 Bat
On Kill: A small health pack is dropped
25% explosive damage vulnerability on wearer
The Boston Basher
Level 25 Bat
On Hit: Bleed for 5 seconds
On Miss: Hit yourself. Idiot.
The Back Scratcher
Level 10 Garden Rake
+25% damage bonus
+50% health from packs on wearer
-75% health from healers on wearer
The Claidheamh Mòr
Level 5 Sword
0.5 sec increase in charge duration
No random critical hits
-15 max health on wearer
The Jag
Level 15 Wrench
30% faster construction rate
-25% damage penalty
The Fists of Steel
Level 10 Boxing Gloves
-40% damage from ranged sources while active
+100% damage from melee sources while active
20% longer weapon switch
Sharpened Volcano Fragment
Level 10 RIFT Fire Axe
Improves upon Mother Nature's original
design for volcanos by increasing portability.
Modern science is unable to explain exactly
where the lava is coming from.
On Hit: target is engulfed in flames
-20% damage penalty
The Sun-on-a-Stick
Level 10 RIFT Fire Mace
Spiky end goes into other man.
100% critical hit vs burning players
-25% damage penalty
Detonator
Level 10 Flare Gun
Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.
+25% damage to self
The Concheror
Level 5 Sashimono
Provides area speed buff
where damage done provides some healing.
Rage increases through damage.
+2 health regenerated per second on wearer
The Fan O'War
Level 5 Gunbai
Winds of Gravel Pit
Scout brings on his fan!
You are marked for death
On Hit: One target at a time is marked for death, causing all damage taken to be mini-crits
-90% damage penalty
Conniver's Kunai
Level 1 Kunai
Start off with low health
Kill somebody with this knife
Steal all of their health
On Backstab: Absorbs the health from your victim.
-65 max health on wearer
The Half-Zatoichi
Level 5 Katana
Soldiers and Demos
Can duel with katanas
For a one-hit kill
On Kill: Restores you to 100% health
Honorbound: Once drawn cannot be sheathed until it kills.
The Shahanshah
Level 5 Kukri
25% increase in damage when health <50% of max
-25% decrease in damage when health >50% of max
The Bazaar Bargain
Level 10 Sniper Rifle
Each scoped headshot decreases the weapon's charge time.
A scoped body shot or miss reduces the bonus.
Base charge rate decreased by 20%
The Persian Persuader
Level 10 Sword
+100% increase in charge recharge rate
All ammo collected becomes health
No random critical hits
Ali Baba's Wee Booties
Level 10 Boots
+100% increase in turning control while charging
+25 max health on wearer
The Splendid Screen
Level 10 Shield
Can deal charge impact damage at any range
+70% increase in charge impact damage
+20% fire damage resistance on wearer
+15% explosive damage resistance on wearer
The Quick-Fix
Level 8 Medi Gun Prototype
Move at the speed of any faster heal target.
+40% heal rate
+25% ÜberCharge rate
ÜberCharge increases healing by 300% and grants immunity to movement-impairing effects
50% max overheal
The Overdose
Level 5 Syringe Gun Prototype
Movement speed increases based on ÜberCharge percentage to a maximum
of +10%
-10% damage penalty
The Solemn Vow
Level 10 Bust of Hippocrates
'Do no harm.'
Allows you to see enemy health
The Liberty Launcher
Level 25 Rocket Launcher
+40% projectile speed
-25% blast damage from rocket jumps
-25% damage penalty
The Reserve Shooter
Level 10 Shotgun
Mini-crits airborne targets for 5 seconds after being deployed
15% faster weapon switch
-34% clip size
The Market Gardener
Level 10 Shovel
Deals crits while the wielder is rocket jumping
No random critical hits
The Saxxy
Level 25
Imbued with an ancient power
( Not Tradable )
Tomislav
Level 5 Minigun
10% faster spin up time
Silent Killer: No barrel spin sound
-20% slower firing speed
The Family Business
Level 10 Shotgun
+33% clip size
-15% damage penalty
The Eviction Notice
Level 10 Boxing Gloves
+50% faster firing speed
-60% damage penalty
Fishcake
Level 1 Fishcake
Vossler Industries All-Natural Artificial-Fish-Derived Food Product
Adds +50 max health for 30 seconds
The Cow Mangler 5000
Level 30 Focused Wave Projector
Does not require ammo
Alt-Fire: A charged shot that
mini-crits players, sets them on fire
and disables buildings for 4 sec
No random critical hits
Deals only 20% damage to buildings
Cannot be crit boosted
The Righteous Bison
Level 30 Indivisible Particle Smasher
Does not require ammo
Projectile penetrates enemy targets
Projectile cannot be deflected
Deals only 20% damage to buildings
The Mantreads
Level 10 Boots
-75% reduction in push force taken from damage
Deals 3x falling damage to the player you land on
The Disciplinary Action
Level 10 Riding Crop
On Hit Ally: Boosts both players' speed for several seconds
-25% damage penalty
The Soda Popper
Level 10 Scattergun
Builds Hype as you run.
When full, Alt-Fire to activate Hype mode for multiple air jumps.
25% faster reload time
+50% faster firing speed
-66% clip size
The Winger
Level 15 Pistol
+15% damage bonus
+25% greater jump height when active
-60% clip size
The Atomizer
Level 10 Bat
Grants Triple Jump: The third jump deals 10 damage when used
-30% slower firing speed
-20% damage vs players
Three-Rune Blade
Level 10 Sword
On Hit: Bleed for 5 seconds
On Miss: Hit yourself. Idiot.
The Postal Pummeler
Level 10 Mailbox
100% critical hits burning players from behind.
Mini-crits burning players from the front.
-50% damage vs non-burning players
No random critical hits
The Enforcer
Level 5 Revolver
+20% damage bonus while undisguised
No random critical hits
-20% slower firing speed
The Big Earner
Level 1 Knife
+30 cloak on kill
-25 max health on wearer
The Maul
Level 5 Sledgehammer
Packs a devastating punch with a hint of Mars dust.
100% damage vs buildings
Damage removes Sappers
-25% damage vs players
The Conscientious Objector
Level 25 Sign
We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.
Custom decals can be applied to this item.
Nessie's Nine Iron
Level 5 Golf Club
This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.
No random critical hits
-25 max health on wearer
The Original
Level 5 Rocket Launcher
The Diamondback
Level 5 Revolver
Gives one guaranteed critical hit for each
building destroyed with your sapper attached
or backstab kill
-15% damage penalty
No random critical hits
The Machina
Level 5 Sniper Rifle
On Full Charge: Projectiles penetrate players
On Full Charge: +15% damage per shot
Cannot fire unless zoomed
Fires tracer rounds
The Widowmaker
Level 5 Shotgun
No reload necessary
On Hit: damage dealt is returned as ammo
Per Shot: -30 ammo
Uses metal for ammo
The Short Circuit
Level 5 Robot Arm
On Fire: Generates an electrical field that destroys
projectiles and damages enemies in front of the player.
Consumes 15 ammo per projectile destroyed.
No reload necessary
Per Shot: -5 ammo
Uses metal for ammo
No random critical hits
No metal from dispensers when active.
Unarmed Combat
Level 1 - 100 Severed Arm
So nice of the Spy to lend an arm...
Wanga Prick
Level 1 - 100 Knife
Upon a successful backstab against a human target, you rapidly disguise as your victim
Silent Killer: No attack noise from backstabs
Wearer cannot disguise
The Apoco-Fists
Level 10 Fists
Turn every one of your fingers into the Four Horsemen of the
Apocalypse! That's over nineteen Horsemen of the Apocalypse per glove!
The most Apocalypse we've ever dared attach to one hand!
Killing an enemy with a critical hit will dismember your victim. Painfully.
The Pomson 6000
Level 10 Indivisible Particle Smasher
Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing
rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to
immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.
Does not require ammo
Projectile cannot be deflected
On Hit: Victim loses 10% Medigun charge
On Hit: Victim loses 20% cloak
The Eureka Effect
Level 20 Wrench
Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical
discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts,
pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to
bludgeon.
Press your reload key to choose to teleport to spawn or your exit teleporter
50% slower repair rate
50% slower upgrade rate
The Third Degree
Level 10 Fire Axe
Being a boon to tree-fellers, backwoodsmen and atom-splitters the
world over, this miraculous matter-hewing device burns each individual
molecule as it cleaves it.
All players connected via Medigun beams are hit
The Phlogistinator
Level 10 Flame Thrower
Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element
phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say,
all of them.
All fire damage charges 'Mmmph', activate to refill health and crit for several seconds
-10% damage penalty
No airblast
No random critical hits
The Manmelter
Level 30 Indivisible Particle Smasher
Being a device that flouts conventional scientific consensus that the
molecules composing the human body must be arranged "just so", and
not, for example, across a square-mile radius.
Does not require ammo
+50% projectile speed
Alt-Fire: Extinguish teammates to gain guaranteed critical hits
No random critical hits
The Bootlegger
Level 10 Boots
Amaze your friends! Impress women! Walk with a limp for life! It's
grotesque!
+100% increase in turning control while charging
+25 max health on wearer
The Scottish Handshake
Level 10 Bottle
Your enemies will think you're making peace, right up until the
terrifying moment that their hand is very seriously cut! Here's the
trick: It's a broken bottle!
The Sharp Dresser
Level 1 Knife
Every merc's crazy for a sharp-dressed man. With 15th century
murder-knives extruding from his cufflinks.
The Cozy Camper
Level 10 Backpack
+1 health regenerated per second on wearer
Knockback reduced by 20% when aiming
No flinching when aiming
20% damage vulnerability on wearer
The Wrap Assassin
Level 15 Bat
These lovely festive ornaments are so beautifully crafted, your
enemies are going to want to see them close up. Indulge them by
batting those fragile glass bulbs into their eyes at 90 mph.
Alt-Fire: Launches a festive ornament that shatters causing bleed
-70% damage penalty
The Spy-cicle
Level 1 Knife
It's the perfect gift for the man who has everything: an icicle driven
into their back. Even rich people can't buy that in stores.
Silent Killer: No attack noise from backstabs
On Hit by Fire: Become fireproof for 2 seconds
Backstab turns victim to ice
Melts in fire, regenerates after 15 seconds
Festive Minigun
Level 1 Minigun
The Holiday Punch
Level 10 Fists
Be the life of the war party with these laugh-inducing punch-mittens.
Critical hit forces victim to laugh
Always critical hit from behind
On Hit: Force enemies to laugh who are also wearing this item
Critical hits do no damage
Festive Rocket Launcher
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Festive Flame Thrower
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Festive Bat
Level 1 Bat
Festive Stickybomb Launcher
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Festive Wrench
Level 1 Wrench
Festive Medi Gun
Level 1 Medi Gun
Festive Sniper Rifle
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Festive Knife
Level 1 Knife
Festive Scattergun
Level 1 Scattergun
The Black Rose
Level 1 Knife
Slay it with flowers.
The Beggar's Bazooka
Level 1 - 100 Rocket Launcher
Hold Fire to load up to three rockets
Release Fire to unleash the barrage
Overloading the chamber will cause a misfire
+3 degrees random projectile deviation
No ammo from dispensers when active
Sapper
Level 1 Sapper
The Lollichop
Level 1 - 100 Fire Axe
Fill (split) your buddies' tummies (skulls) with delicious candy (cold
steel) with this oversized sugary treat. (Equips Pyrovision.)
vision opt in flags (1)
On Equip: Visit Pyroland
Only visible in Pyroland
The Scorch Shot
Level 10 Flare Gun
Flare knocks back target on hit
and ignites enemies in a small radius
-50% damage penalty
The Rainblower
Level 10 Flame Thrower
Your friends (enemies) will squeal with delight (be consumed with
fire) when you cover them in sparkly rainbows (all-consuming fire).
(Equips Pyrovision.)
vision opt in flags (1)
On Equip: Visit Pyroland
Only visible in Pyroland
The Cleaner's Carbine
Level 1 SMG
On Kill: Gain Mini-crits for 8 seconds.
-35% slower firing speed
-20% clip size
No random critical hits
The Hitman's Heatmaker
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Heads will roll.
Gain Focus on kills and assists
rage on assists (15)
Press 'Reload' to activate focus
In Focus: +25% faster charge and no unscoping.
-20% damage on body shot
Baby Face's Blaster
Level 10 Scattergun
On Hit: Builds Boost
Run speed increased with Boost
10% slower move speed on wearer
Boost reduced on air jumps
-34% clip size
Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol
Level 10 Pistol
+15 max health on wearer
Wearer never takes falling damage
-25% slower firing speed
50% fire damage vulnerability on wearer
The Escape Plan
Level 10 Pickaxe
Move speed increases as the user becomes injured
Blocks healing while in use
You are marked for death while active, and for short period after switching weapons
Silver Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.I
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Silver Botkiller Minigun Mk.I
Level 1 Minigun
Silver Botkiller Knife Mk.I
Level 1 Knife
Silver Botkiller Wrench Mk.I
Level 1 Wrench
Silver Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.I
Level 1 Medi Gun
Silver Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Silver Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.I
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Silver Botkiller Scattergun Mk.I
Level 1 Scattergun
Silver Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Gold Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.I
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Gold Botkiller Minigun Mk.I
Level 1 Minigun
Gold Botkiller Knife Mk.I
Level 1 Knife
Gold Botkiller Wrench Mk.I
Level 1 Wrench
Gold Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.I
Level 1 Medi Gun
Gold Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Gold Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.I
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Gold Botkiller Scattergun Mk.I
Level 1 Scattergun
Gold Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
The Red-Tape Recorder
Level 1 - 100 Sapper
Reverses enemy building construction
-100% sapper damage penalty
The Huo-Long Heater
Level 1 - 100 Minigun
Sustains a ring of flames while deployed
6 ammo consumed per second while deployed
The Flying Guillotine
Level 1 - 100 Cleaver
Throw at your enemies to make them bleed!
Long distance hits cause mini-crits
100% critical hit vs stunned players
No random critical hits
The Neon Annihilator
Level 1 - 100 Sign
100% critical hit vs wet players
Damage removes Sappers
-20% damage vs players
No random critical hits
The Huo-Long Heater
Level 1 - 100 Minigun
Sustains a ring of flames while deployed
6 ammo consumed per second while deployed
The Flying Guillotine
Level 1 - 100 Cleaver
Throw at your enemies to make them bleed!
Long distance hits cause mini-crits
100% critical hit vs stunned players
No random critical hits
The Neon Annihilator
Level 1 - 100 Sign
100% critical hit vs wet players
Damage removes Sappers
-20% damage vs players
No random critical hits
Deflector
Level 1 Minigun
The AWPer Hand
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
This controversial bolt-action beaut is banned in thousands of
countries, and with good reason: You could really hurt someone with
this thing.
The Robo-Sandvich
Level 1 Lunch Box
Robots don't just run off oil. They also run off metal things
constructed to resemble human food. Why? Why don't you tell me, if
you're so smart? If anything, eating a metal sandwich makes MORE
sense. Why don't you and oil have a baby that you have shared custody
of after you and oil have a messy divorce if you love oil so much?
The Freedom Staff
Level 25 Staff
Since America was founded over ten thousand years ago, the noble eagle
has been its symbol of freedom. Show people how much you like freedom
by clubbing them senseless with a golden eagle on a stick, just like
Kofi Annan.
Rust Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.I
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Rust Botkiller Minigun Mk.I
Level 1 Minigun
Rust Botkiller Knife Mk.I
Level 1 Knife
Rust Botkiller Wrench Mk.I
Level 1 Wrench
Rust Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.I
Level 1 Medi Gun
Rust Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Rust Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.I
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Rust Botkiller Scattergun Mk.I
Level 1 Scattergun
Rust Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Blood Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.I
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Blood Botkiller Minigun Mk.I
Level 1 Minigun
Blood Botkiller Knife Mk.I
Level 1 Knife
Blood Botkiller Wrench Mk.I
Level 1 Wrench
Blood Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.I
Level 1 Medi Gun
Blood Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Blood Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.I
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Blood Botkiller Scattergun Mk.I
Level 1 Scattergun
Blood Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Carbonado Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.I
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Carbonado Botkiller Minigun Mk.I
Level 1 Minigun
Carbonado Botkiller Knife Mk.I
Level 1 Knife
Carbonado Botkiller Wrench Mk.I
Level 1 Wrench
Carbonado Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.I
Level 1 Medi Gun
Carbonado Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Carbonado Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.I
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Carbonado Botkiller Scattergun Mk.I
Level 1 Scattergun
Carbonado Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Diamond Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.I
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Diamond Botkiller Minigun Mk.I
Level 1 Minigun
Diamond Botkiller Knife Mk.I
Level 1 Knife
Diamond Botkiller Wrench Mk.I
Level 1 Wrench
Diamond Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.I
Level 1 Medi Gun
Diamond Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Diamond Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.I
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Diamond Botkiller Scattergun Mk.I
Level 1 Scattergun
Diamond Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.I
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
The Ap-Sap
Level 1 - 100 Sapper
Mann Co. got a great deal from a nice lady in an abandoned science
facility on a warehouse full of slightly used, possibly mildly
defective sappers. Unlike our other sappers, the Ap-Sap is sentient,
and will provide hours of lively, one-sided conversation while you're
trying to work.
sapper voice pak (1)
sapper voice pak idle wait (3)
The Bat Outta Hell
Level 5
The Quäckenbirdt
Level 1 - 100 Invis Watch
A marvel of German engineering, the Quäckenbirdt is a classically
handsome two-tone Australium and tungsten spywatch for the European
assassin who likes to be reminded how rich he is every time he turns
invisible.
The Memory Maker
Level 50 Camera
The memories you made as a Saxxy finalist will live on forever in
film. Other memories—like that time you fractured some jerk
Engineer's skull with an 8mm camera—will live on forever in your
heart.
( Not Tradable )
Silver Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.II
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Silver Botkiller Minigun Mk.II
Level 1 Minigun
Silver Botkiller Knife Mk.II
Level 1 Knife
Silver Botkiller Wrench Mk.II
Level 1 Wrench
Silver Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.II
Level 1 Medi Gun
Silver Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.II
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Silver Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.II
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Silver Botkiller Scattergun Mk.II
Level 1 Scattergun
Silver Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.II
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
Gold Botkiller Sniper Rifle Mk.II
Level 1 Sniper Rifle
Gold Botkiller Minigun Mk.II
Level 1 Minigun
Gold Botkiller Knife Mk.II
Level 1 Knife
Gold Botkiller Wrench Mk.II
Level 1 Wrench
Gold Botkiller Medi Gun Mk.II
Level 1 Medi Gun
Gold Botkiller Stickybomb Launcher Mk.II
Level 1 Stickybomb Launcher
Gold Botkiller Flame Thrower Mk.II
Level 1 Flame Thrower
Gold Botkiller Scattergun Mk.II
Level 1 Scattergun
Gold Botkiller Rocket Launcher Mk.II
Level 1 Rocket Launcher
The Loose Cannon
Level 10 Grenade Launcher
override projectile type (17)
Cannonballs push players back on impact
Cannonballs have a fuse time of 1 second; fuses can be primed to explode earlier by holding down the fire key.
Cannonballs do not explode on impact
-50% damage on contact with surfaces
The Rescue Ranger
Level 1 - 100 Shotgun
Alt-Fire: Use metal to pick up buildings from long range
Fires a special bolt that can repair friendly buildings
override projectile type (18)
Self mark for death on building pick up
-50% max primary ammo on wearer
-34% clip size
The Vaccinator
Level 8 Vaccinator
ÜberCharge provides 75% resistance to a selected damage type. You are
healed for 25% of the matched incoming damage on your heal target.
+50% ÜberCharge rate
Press your reload key to cycle through resist types.
While healing, provides you and your target with a constant 10% resistance to the selected damage type.
-66% Overheal build rate.
The Festive Holy Mackerel
Level 42 Fish
Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.
The Festive Axtinguisher
Level 10 Fire Axe
100% critical hits burning players from behind.
Mini-crits burning players from the front.
-50% damage vs non-burning players
No random critical hits
The Festive Buff Banner
Level 5 Battle Banner
Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.
Rage increases through damage done.
The Festive Sandvich
Level 1 Lunch Box
The Festive Ubersaw
Level 10 Bonesaw
On Hit: 25% ÜberCharge added
-20% slower firing speed
Festive Frontier Justice
Level 5 Shotgun
When your sentry is destroyed you
gain revenge crits for every sentry kill
No random critical hits
-50% clip size
The Festive Huntsman
Level 10 Bow
override projectile type (19)
The Festive Ambassador
Level 5 Revolver
Crits on headshot
-15% damage penalty
-20% slower firing speed
Festive Grenade Launcher
Level 1 Grenade Launcher
The Ham Shank
Level 5 Pork Product
This makeshift classic is a prison staple. Simply take any common,
everyday prison item, like a toothbrush or ham, whittle it to a point,
and use it to shiv snitches waiting in line at the commissary for a
second helping of ham and toothbrushes.
The Golden Frying Pan
Level 1 - 100 Golden Frying Pan
Imbued with an ancient power
Festive Force-A-Nature
Level 1 - 99 Scattergun
Knockback on the target and shooter
+50% faster firing speed
+20% bullets per shot
-10% damage penalty
-66% clip size
Festive Crusader's Crossbow
Level 1 - 99 Crossbow
Fires special bolts that heal teammates and deal damage based on distance traveled
override projectile type (23)
No headshots
-75% max primary ammo on wearer
Festive Flare Gun
Level 1 - 99 Flare Gun
Festive Eyelander
Level 1 - 99 Sword
This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.
No random critical hits
-25 max health on wearer
Festive Jarate
Level 1 - 99 Jar Based Karate
override projectile type (22)
Coated enemies take mini-crits
Also handy for putting out a fire
Festive Gloves of Running Urgently
Level 1 - 99 Boxing Gloves
+30% faster move speed on wearer
When weapon is active:
-25% damage penalty
You are marked for death while active, and for short period after switching weapons
Festive Black Box
Level 1 - 99 Rocket Launcher
On Hit: +15 health
-25% clip size
Festive Wrangler
Level 1 - 99 Laser Pointer
Take manual control of your Sentry Gun
The Fortified Compound
Level 10 Bow
The Classic
Level 1 - 100 Sniper Rifle
Charge and fire shots independent of zoom
-10% damage on body shot
No headshots when not fully charged
The Tide Turner
Level 1 - 100 Shield
+25% fire damage resistance on wearer
+25% explosive damage resistance on wearer
Full turning control while charging
Kills while charging refill 100% of your charge meter.
The Bread Bite
Level 1 - 100 Boxing Gloves
Inspired by the TF2 Movie 'Expiration Date'
+30% faster move speed on wearer
When weapon is active:
-25% damage penalty
You are marked for death while active, and for short period after switching weapons
The B.A.S.E. Jumper
Level 1 - 100 Parachute
Press 'JUMP' key in the air to deploy.
Deployed Parachutes slow your descent.
The Back Scatter
Level 1 - 100 Scattergun
Mini-crits targets when fired at their back from close range
-34% clip size
20% less accurate
No random critical hits
The Air Strike
Level 1 - 100 Rocket Launcher
Increased attack speed while blast jumping
Clip size increased on kill
-15% explosion radius
-25% damage penalty
-25% clip size
The Self-Aware Beauty Mark
Level 1 - 100 Jar Based Karate
Inspired by the TF2 Movie 'Expiration Date'
override projectile type (24)
Coated enemies take mini-crits
Also handy for putting out a fire
Mutated Milk
Level 1 - 99 Non-Milk Substance
Players heal 60% of the damage done to an enemy covered with milk.
Inspired by the TF2 Movie 'Expiration Date'
override projectile type (25)
Texas Ten Gallon
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Though it looks like a simple ten-gallon hat, this modern feat of
engineering actually contains more moving parts than a level 2 Sentry
Gun.
Engineer's Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Officer's Ushanka
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This hat was made of bear hands.
That bear was killed with bare hands.
Tough Guy's Toque
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's
criticizing your fashion sense.
Stainless Pot
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Protects cranium from bullets and shrapnel.
Also heats soup.
Tyrant's Helm
Level 1 - 100 Hat
I kicked your ass so hard it went back in time and got me this VIKING
HAT.
Glengarry Bonnet
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Vintage Tyrolean
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Respectless Rubber Glove
Level 1 - 100 Hat
It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire.
Camera Beard
Level 1 - 100 Facial Hair
You wouldn't mind if I read this top secret document with my beard,
would you?
Otolaryngologist's Mirror
Level 1 - 100 Hat
We can't pronounce it either.
Brigade Helm
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Bonk Helm
Level 1 - 100 Hat
When drinking one radioactive beverage at a time is not enough.
Ye Olde Baker Boy
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Extra! Extra! You're frickin' dead!
Backbiter's Billycock
Level 1 - 100 Hat
For when you wish your head was a little taller,
but just as round on top.
Professional's Panama
Level 1 - 100 Hat
A polite, efficient hat to wear when killing everyone you meet.
Master's Yellow Belt
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Only a master of Jarate earns the right to wear this once-white
bandanna, stained yellow from the rigors of a harsh training regimen.
Baseball Bill's Sports Shine
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Everyone knows that speed is a Scout's best friend. Why weigh yourself
down with bulky hats when you can break the sound barrier without
them?
Ritzy Rick's Hair Fixative
Level 1 - 100 Hat
His bullet was close.
I lost my hat.
My bullet was closer.
He lost his head.
Texas Slim's Dome Shine
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Sometimes you just need a little less hat.
Scotsman's Stove Pipe
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Towering Pillar of Hats
Level 1 - 100 Hat
A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH. Tarnish
notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS.
Noble Amassment of Hats
Level 1 - 100 Hat
For the Gentleman who believes even his hat deserves a hat.
Modest Pile of Hat
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Because a Gentleman is not one without one.
Physician's Procedure Mask
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Scrub in... things are about to get messy.
The Hound Dog
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Your opponents will be all shook up when they see these sweet shades
and coif.
Hustler's Hallmark
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Magistrate's Mullet
Level 1 - 100 Hat
They say justice is blind. What they don't tell you is that justice is
also invisible, and also less interested in justice than murder.
Hotrod
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Mock the sun with streaks of flame as the UV rays bounce harmlessly
away from your eyeballs.
Troublemaker's Tossle Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Straight outta control point.
Triboniophorus Tyrannus
Level 1 - 100 Hat
At least he's still telling you to burn things.
Killer's Kabuto
Level 1 - 100 Hat
A Haiku for war.
To defeat one's enemies.
Honor the crocket.
Shooter's Sola Topi
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Perfect for exploring the outback and the inside of people's heads.
Whoopee Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You'd have to be a jughead not to realize this cap is the pinnacle of
fashion for the discerning youth.
Whiskered Gentleman
Level 1 - 100 Facial Hair
The most distinguished tape-on fire-retardant facial hair available,
for the discerning gentleman of conflagration.
Ze Goggles
Level 1 - 100 Glasses
Nothing
Safe'n'Sound
Level 1 - 100 Hat
It gets difficult trying to calculate the total external applied
torque to a body's rotational motion through its moment of momentum
vector while the distracting sounds of gunfire and death are all
around you. Build a better, safer machine with the silence of the
Safe'n'sound!
Tippler's Tricorne
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Three sharp corners mean one sharp hat.
Don't poke your eye out.
Frenchman's Beret
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Because real espionage is an artform.
Bloke's Bucket Hat
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Gone Snipin'.
Vintage Merryweather
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Pyro wears this in tribute to the many firefighters who have perished
trying to quell his flames.
Sergeant's Drill Hat
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This hat is a handy replacement for profanity-filled ranting when you
don't feel like shouting yourself hoarse.
Gentleman's Gatsby
Level 1 - 100 Hat
While lacking the cachet of other hats, the Gatsby nonetheless
possesses its own sartorial elegance. Its understated and affable
charm appeals to everyone, whether playing a round of golf with
friends or performing non-elective surgery with a well-polished
bonesaw.
The Heavy Duty Rag
Level 1 - 100 Hat
It costs $400,000 to wear this bandanna for 12 seconds.
The Attendant
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Rimmed Raincatcher
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Because there's no alliteration
like alliteration with an 'ARR!'
The Milkman
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Familiar Fez
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Grenadier's Softcap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Ol' Snaggletooth
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Pugilist's Protector
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Old Guadalajara
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This hat adds spice to any occasion.
Napper's Respite
Level 1 - 100 Hat
After a long day of burning scouts.
Bombing Run
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Death from above!
Chieftain's Challenge
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Stout Shako
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The grand achievement of
Victorian military fashion.
Dr's Dapper Topper
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Handyman's Handle
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Clears all sorts of blockage.
Hard Counter
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You can never be too careful
with Jarate around.
Sober Stuntman
Level 1 - 100 Hat
A sticky-jumper's best friend.
Carouser's Capotain
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Suffer not a sentry to live.
Cadaver's Cranium
Level 31 Hat
Horrific Headsplitter
Level 31 Hat
When wearing such a piece of headgear it is best to keep an open mind.
Berliner's Bucket Helm
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Scotch Bonnet
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Don't let those ninnies take yer good eye!
The Big Chief
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Magnificent Mongolian
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Larrikin Robin
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Blighted Beak
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Pyromancer's Mask
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Prancer's Pride
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Détective Noir
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Madame Dixie
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Buckaroos Hat
Level 1 - 100 Hat
German Gonzila
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Flipped Trilby
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Coupe D'isaster
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Le Party Phantom
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Industrial Festivizer
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Exquisite Rack
Level 1 - 100 Cosmetic Item
Defiant Spartan
Level 1 - 100 Hat
A Rather Festive Tree
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Prince Tavish's Crown
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Crocleather Slouch
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Made from Australia's only natural resource.
The Athletic Supporter
Level 10 Hat
[Insert Favorite Regional Team Here]
The Superfan
Level 10 Hat
The Dread Knot
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Crybabies cower
At the approach of fat man
With terrible hair
The Samur-Eye
Level 1 - 100 Hat
One-eyed Scottish drunk
Dons his helmet for battle
Blacks out, misses war
Hero's Hachimaki
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The Noh Mercy
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Chain-smoking Frenchman
Skulks in shadows, then attacks
Terrifying mask
The Geisha Boy
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Frog leaps into pond
Lotus blossoms fall to earth
Medic has girl's hair
Hottie's Hoodie
Level 1 - 100 Hat
If you've got it, flaunt it.
If you don't, hide it under this discreet hoodie.
The Team Captain
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Our lawyers say 'YES! YES!'
Western Wear
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The old West never saw this kind of class.
Large Luchadore
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Wrestling's real, and now you can prove it.
Medic's Mountain Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The men in his unit called him 'The Bavarian Butcher'
Big Country
Level 1 - 100 Hat
It'd be a damn shame to hide hair this handsome.
Grimm Hatte
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Ye hae ne'er glympsed a hatte whych be
as grimm as yonder hatte ye glympse upon.
Professor's Peculiarity
Level 1 - 100 Hat
I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.
Bullet mechanics? Well now that's a different thing entirely.
Teddy Roosebelt
Level 1 - 100 Pocket Buddy
A cute, plushy pocket buddy.
Aw, he even has his own hat!
Sight for Sore Eyes
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Humorously vellicating vitreous.
Private Eye
Level 1 - 100 Hat
A select style for the scrutinizing sleuth.
Googly Gazer
Level 1 - 100 Cosmetic Augmentation
Keep one eye on your enemy and
the other one on everything else.
Reggaelator
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Every little thing is gonna be alright.
Honcho's Headgear
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This hat has mean written all over it.
(Note from Legal: This hat has nothing written on it.)
Pocket Medic
Level 15 Pocket Buddy
Keep little healing man close.
Villain's Veil
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The good, the bad, and the dead.
Connoisseur's Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You're today's theme ingredient...
Furious Fukaamigasa
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You can't tell, but he's furious.
Charmer's Chapeau
Level 1 - 100 Hat
It really is a chapeau. It's just in disguise.
Doctor's Sack
Level 1 - 100 Hat
For when you've got that healin' fever.
Ol' Geezer
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Get off mah land!
Desert Marauder
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Sultan's Ceremonial
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Jumper's Jeepcap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The Capo's Capper
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This dashing number will help you commit crimes of all kinds—except
against fashion.
Brain Bucket
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Zombie tested, braaaains approved.
The Dead Cone
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You'll stop them dead wearing this stylish traffic cone.
The Hetman's Headpiece
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Cossacks and war go together like gołąbki and wódka.
The Janissary Ketche
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The first standing army to wear uniforms wanted to make damn sure
everyone else knew it.
Lord Cockswain's Pith Helmet
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Lord Cockswain's Novelty Mutton Chops and Pipe
Level 1 - 100 Facial Hair
Effect: Genteel Smoke
Armored Authority
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Fancy Dress Uniform
Level 1 - 100 Uniform
Bonk Boy
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The Hero's Tail
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Possibly the result of pigmentation loss due to horrible experiments.
Possibly a mop of some kind.
Sign of the Wolf's School
Level 20 Medallion
One wolf, no moon. Collect all three!
Cosa Nostra Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
If looks could kill, this dapper fellow would make your head an
accomplice to murder.
The Made Man
Level 1 - 100
A gentleman always has a flower handy to drop on an opponent's grave.
The Conjurer's Cowl
Level 1 - 100 Hat
I put on my wizard's hat.
The Planeswalker Helm
Level 1 - 100 Hat
If anyone asks, tell them the tusks qualify you for veterinary work.
The Planeswalker Goggles
Level 1 - 100 Hat
No more bugs in your eyes as you blaze across the map.
Copper's Hard Top
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Security Shades
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Tam O' Shanter
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Stately Steel Toe
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Rogue's Col Roule
Level 15 Apparel
Prairie Heel Biters
Level 15 Spurs
The Big Steel Jaw of Summer Fun
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Wee! It's summer! We're having fun!
AH GOD IT'S BOLTED TO HIS HEAD!
The Mask of the Shaman
Level 10 Mask
An invincibility mask made by the Ancients. It hasn't worked in a
long, long time.
The Pilotka
Level 10 Hat
The Stahlhelm
Level 10 Hat
The Dragonborn Helmet
Level 10 Hat
Designed to inspire fear, the dragons this helm was based on were less
than impressed.
The Anger
Level 10 Hat
Pip-Boy
Level 10 Armband
Using modern super-deluxe resolution graphics!
The Wingstick
Level 10
The Nanobalaclava
Level 10 Hat
The Deus Specs
Level 10 Glasses
The Company Man
Level 10 Hat
The Purity Fist
Level 10 Cosmetic Augmentation
The Killer Exclusive
Level 10 Hat
Break news, spirits and heads.
The El Jefe
Level 10 Hat
The Last Breath
Level 13 Hat
Apparition's Aspect
Level 13 Hat
The Infernal Impaler
Level 13 Hat
The Cold War Luchador
Level 10 Hat
The most terrifying Soviet/Latino partnership since the Cuban Missile
Crisis.
The Mark of the Saint
Level 20 Badge
The Brainiac Hairpiece
Level 1 - 100 Facial Hair
Being a maths-enhancing hairpiece that endeavors to heighten the
senses of any soul, be he a gentle-man of leisure deserving of such a
thing, or a loathsome tiller of the earth of whom a beating would not
go unwarranted.
The Brainiac Goggles
Level 20 Glasses
Being prescription shooting goggles that endeavor to relieve the eye
from the reflection off one's gun barrel whilst also correcting
Diplopia, Strabismus, 'Nervous Vision', Early-Onset Old-Eye, and
several other varieties of structural defect.
The Moonman Backpack
Level 15 Fuel Tank
Being a repository of the foundational ingredients necessary for a
body to live a life of leisure in space—namely one part oxygen, one
part mercury, and twelve parts laudanum.
The Bubble Pipe
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Being an invention that achieves the humanitarian goal of all great
men of science, from Lord Holland to the Duke of Wellington, to allow
a true gentle-man to smoke a pipe in space.
Effect: Genteel Smoke
Your Worst Nightmare
Level 10 Hat
This bandanna will teach you to eat things that would make a billy
goat puke. Like another billy goat.
The One-Man Army
Level 10 Hat
You send that many men against a bandanna like this, don't forget one
thing: A good supply of body bags.
The Counterfeit Billycock
Level 10 Hat
This hat is a spy.
The Outdoorsman
Level 10 Hat
Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.
The Tavish DeGroot Experience
Level 10 Hat
Hey, Joe, where you going with that sticky launcher in your hand?
The Pencil Pusher
Level 10 Hat
Measure twice, cut once, shoot first.
The Builder's Blueprints
Level 15 Blueprints
Never bring a gun to a blueprint fight.
The Buccaneer's Bicorne
Level 10 Hat
Hoist the mainsail! Buckle those swashes! Get into a swordfight!
Pirate captains yell stuff like this all the time, and now you can
too.
A Whiff of the Old Brimstone
Level 20 Decorative Bombs
Your enemies will clap in delight at the cartoonish innocence of these
old-timey bombs, making it that much sweeter when you blow their arms
off.
The Salty Dog
Level 10 Hat
Get all of a boat captain's respect without the crushing
responsibility of actually captaining a boat or the enormous amount of
ongoing maintenance a boat requires!
The Little Buddy
Level 10 Hat
People will think you're in the Navy. But the joke is on them, BECAUSE
YOU'RE NOT! That is just one possible benefit of this tricky hat.
The Gym Rat
Level 10 Hat
Let's get physical. Physical.
The Hot Dogger
Level 10 Hat
There's been a terrible explosion at the hot dog factory! That's what
you can tell people, and they'll believe you because you will look
like an expert on hot dogs.
The Birdcage
Level 10 Hat
Everyone will wonder what the secret meaning of this mysterious hat
is. The secret is you're an idiot.
The Surgeon's Stahlhelm
Level 10 Hat
Technically, field medics are protected as noncombatants under the
Geneva Convention. The next time you get shot be sure to tell your
killer. It's a conversation starter!
The Backwards Ballcap
Level 10 Hat
Stick it to Major League Baseball by not wearing their hat the right
way.
The Crocodile Smile
Level 20 Necklace
How many crocodiles had to die to make this necklace? A lot. That's
the point.
Flair!
Level 20 Flair!
Show enthusiasm! For your favorite things!
Custom decals can be applied to this item.
Couvre Corner
Level 20 Pocket Square
Sometimes we put some jokes in these descriptions. But, no joke: This
looks good. Really sharp.
The Surgeon's Stethoscope
Level 20 Stethoscope
Look like you know what you're doing when you pronounce people dead.
L'Inspecteur
Level 10 Hat
Nobody is not scared of a policeman from France. That is why this hat
is so effective.
Photo Badge
Level 20 Badge
Discourage identity theft.
Custom decals can be applied to this item.
Clan Pride
Level 20 Medallion
Because it's cheaper and less painful than a tattoo.
Custom decals can be applied to this item.
The Swagman's Swatter
Level 10 Hat
This is the best hat. We couldn't say it if it weren't true. This
one's the best.
The Flamboyant Flamenco
Level 10 Hat
Help your enemies celebrate Day of the Dead by wearing this hat and
then killing them.
The Virtual Reality Headset
Level 10 Headset
With these on, you can pretend you're winning.
The Spectre's Spectacles
Level 20 Glasses
So mysterious. So deadly. So nearsighted.
The Stereoscopic Shades
Level 20 Glasses
If you close an eye, one of the teams will disappear. So don't do
that.
The Hat With No Name
Level 10 Hat
A nameless hat for a nameless man.
The Cremator's Conscience
Level 15 Conscience
'Burn him with fire!' 'No, burn him with fire, then hit him with an
axe!'
The Hermes
Level 10 Hat
Don't shoot the messenger. Actually, go ahead and try. Can't be done,
pal! Too fast!
The Point and Shoot
Level 10 Hat
The next time someone accuses you of not being a real wizard because
you refuse to (read: can't) do spells, poke them in the eye with this
magically blinding pointy hat and run.
The War Head
Level 10 Hat
Protect your thought-horde from dragons, sorcery, and other
make-believe dangers with this spiky lead battle-mask.
The Dashin' Hashshashin
Level 10 Hat
When you need to go deep undercover, one disguise is not enough! Put a
hood over that ski-mask, then wrap a towel around it. Boldly announce
to the world that you are inconspicuous!
Dr. Whoa
Level 15 Shirt
The Ornament Armament
Level 20 Decorative Bombs
Just a like the Soldier's actual grenades, these shiny glass baubles
are purely ornamental.
The Sandvich Safe
Level 15 Lunchbox
Keep sandvich safe with sandvich safe. Okay, is good, no more
description. Buy.
The Head Warmer
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This incinerator's insulator keeps your head a perfect 105 degrees,
while muffling the hallucinations brought on by wearing a hat that
slowly cooks your brain.
The Outback Intellectual
Level 15 Apparel
Argyle. Pipe-smoking. Individually, they make you look like an idiot.
Together, they make you look smart AND stylish! Just like Umberto Eco!
Effect: Genteel Smoke
The Itsy Bitsy Spyer
Level 15 Pocket Buddy
Is that a miniature Spy in your pocket, or are you just happy to OH
GOD STOP HITTING ME!
The All-Father
Level 15 Facial Hair
Throughout the history of civilization, the white beard has come to
symbolize wisdom and status. Show the world it's possible to be
bearded AND stupid with this Heavy- and Soldier-specific face-nest.
Shove it, civilization!
The Kringle Collection
Level 1 - 100 Coat
Do the snow-pants dance with this stylish holiday ensemble from famed
Arctic designer Kristoff Kringle.
The Jingle Belt
Level 1 - 100 Bells
Slay-bells will be ringing in the slow-roasted ears of your burn
victims.
Jingle all the way
The Big Elfin Deal
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You ask me if I wanna be a dentist one more time, pal, I'm gonna kick
your teeth in.
The Bootie Time
Level 10 Apparel
You dasher! You dancer! You prancer! You VIXEN! Pull Santa's sleigh
all by yourself, you sexy little man.
Jingle all the way
The Nine-Pipe Problem
Level 1 - 100 Pipe
In the time it takes you to read this description, I've already ubered
a heavy, captured your base, solved a crime, and smoked three pipes.
Effect: Genteel Smoke
The Stocking Stuffer
Level 1 - 100 Stocking
No need to hang this stocking over the mantle. It's already stuffed.
Thanks for nothing, Santa.
The Brown Bomber
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Celebrate Canada's birthday, on whatever day that happens, with this
commemorative Canadian Prime Minister's ceremonial dress hat.
The Lucky Shot
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Let's see you do that again, Private.
The Warsworn Helmet
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Whether you're a mercenary in the granaries and gravel pits of the
Badlands or an immense fantasy world, this helmet tells potential
employers everything they need to know: You will do horrible, horrible
things for money.
The Bolgan
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Protect the all-important empty socket part of your face while giving
enemies an irresistible target: unimportant exposed parts like your
mouth, nose and generally all the non-socket parts of your face.
The Bolgan Family Crest
Level 1 - 100 Badge
This stylish bronze badge lets people know that at some crucial point
in your family genealogy, one of your family members became intimately
involved with a monster cyclops.
The Boston Boom-Bringer
Level 1 - 100 Futuristic Sound Device
Walkin' down the street to the hardcore beat while his Mann Co. boom
vibrates the concrete.
cosmetic taunt sound (0)
Aladdin's Private Reserve
Level 1 - 100 Mystical Lamp
Originally owned by some punk kid in Syria, this Arabian wish-granter
is a lamp full of liquid courage. Simply rub, think liquory thoughts,
and pour. Warning: don't think about anything else while rubbing, or
you might not get booze.
Effect: Genteel Smoke
The Snapped Pupil
Level 1 - 100 Photograph
Be honest, lads. Ye cannae even tell, can ye?
The Merc Medal
Level 20 Badge
There exists an agency so secret that only three people on the planet
even know of its existence. This is the medal they give each other
when one of them does a great job.
The Battle Bob
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Simple and elegant, this slimming hair helmet will bring out the
natural contours of your fearsome war face.
The Bushman's Boonie
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Everybody knows that the head part of your body needs twice as much
camouflage as all the other parts. Ask anyone in the army and they'll
kill you and hide the body, because that widely-known information is
CLASSIFIED.
The Conquistador
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Make Spanish history come alive with this authentic conquistador's
helmet, excavated from the actual grave of a sixteenth century French
cosplayer.
The Fast Learner
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
Read a book – or at least look like you can – with this vintage
educational ensemble. Be the B.M.O.C. (Big Mouth on Campus) of your
own make-believe Ivy League!
The Captain's Cocktails
Level 1 - 100 Decorative Bombs
Attention, tramps! Are you MAN enough to carry around cans full of
expired soup? Are you CRAZY enough to pretend they're grenades? Are
you HUNGRY enough to probably eat the soup later, when nobody's
looking? We bet yes!
The Helmet Without a Home
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Think of this helmet as a fortified, portable home for your head. It's
also lined with tin foil, so nobody will be able to steal your
valuable tramp-thoughts.
The Teufort Tooth Kicker
Level 10 Boots
These steel-toed dogs were scientifically engineered (in a wind
tunnel) by America's foremost authorities on mouth-kicking to
perfectly fit the inside of an idiot's mouth.
The Balloonicorn
Level 20 Balloon
Oh my goodness! Is it Balloonicorn? The Mayor of Pyroland? Don't be
ridiculous, we're talking about an inflatable unicorn. He's the
Municipal Ombudsman. Between you and me, Balloonicorn's a joke down at
City Hall. Gary Brottman, the inflatable Sewer Superintendent, is
sleeping with Balloonicorn's wife. Anyway, when he's riding around on
your shoulder don't mention ANY of this to him, because Balloonicorn
is on a hair trigger and he's usually pretty drunk.
vision opt in flags (1)
On Equip: Visit Pyroland
Only visible in Pyroland
The Infernal Orchestrina
Level 1 - 100 Backpack
Your BFFs (enemies) will turn their frowns upside down (confront their
own mortality) as they dance a merry jig to (run in terror from) these
cheery tunes (soul-destroying funeral dirges). (Equips Pyrovision.)
vision opt in flags (1)
On Equip: Visit Pyroland
cosmetic taunt sound (0)
Only visible in Pyroland
The Burning Bongos
Level 1 - 100 Bongos
When you were a kid, all you wanted was to play the bongos. But then
you grew up and, like all of us, realized you're not as good at bongos
as Matthew McConaughey. Well, guess what, pal: Nobody is, or ever will
be. (Equips Pyrovision.)
vision opt in flags (1)
On Equip: Visit Pyroland
Only visible in Pyroland
The Waxy Wayfinder
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Finally live your life like a candle in the wind. (Wind not included.)
Effect: Genteel Smoke
The Scrap Pack
Level 1 - 100 Robot
Why let your front have all the fun? Add more junk to the upper part
of your trunk with this selection from the finest junkyards in Paris.
The Texas Half-Pants
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
It's pants... Texas Style! These crotchless leather leggings are
perfect if you already own pants. Note: To be used as auxiliary pants
only. Please do not employ as primary source of pants.
The Toss-Proof Towel
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
Make sure you never throw in the towel, even accidentally, by keeping
it nice and close, where it can't run off and surrender like a coward
when you're not looking.
The Fruit Shoot
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This fun, all-ages activity brings history alive! All you need is a
bow, an arrow, an apple, and an idiot.
The Front Runner
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This commemorative sweatband is a loving tribute to the heroes – and
we don't use that word lightly – who live their lives like sweaty
candles in the wind.
The Sneaky Spats of Sneaking
Level 1 - 100 Shoes
Sure, you're in the market for shoes to help you lurk in the shadows.
But once you slip on these natty calf leather spatterdashes, you'll
want EVERYONE to check you out.
The Cross-Comm Crash Helmet
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This purely cosmetic battlefield awareness accessory will fool
everyone from the lowliest private to the mayor of the army into
thinking you're probably in the army too.
The Cross-Comm Express
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This full spectrum battle monocle receives signals from a satellite at
light speed, which means you may have to slow down a little so they
can catch up to you.
The Doublecross-Comm
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This battlefield awareness bandanna is stitched with nanofibers that
can download battlefields from Wikipedia straight to your face, so you
will never not be aware of them.
The Atomic Accolade
Level 1 - 100 Badge
Skip past all the boring busywork of science and get right to the
exciting part: the fabulous prizes! This prestigious ribbon certifies
your bravery in the field of excellence.
The Professor's Pineapple
Level 1 - 100 Science Project
We don't know what's in it, but we found it in some rusty drums buried
in a shallow grave in a forest, so let's face it, you'll probably get
super powers if you drink it.
The Quadwrangler
Level 1 - 100 Science Project
This quantum-collared lab coat includes a handy rubber pipe that
siphons blood from your heart, where it is not needed, to your
shooting arm, where it is!
The Surgeon's Side Satchel
Level 1 - 100 Satchel
This compact medical equipment bag makes the perfect accessory for the
doctor on the go. Treat patients out of doors, in the fresh unsterile
air of the battlefield.
The Liquor Locker
Level 1 - 100 Treasure
The Demo keeps his fortune close to his chest: Specifically, on the
other side of it, strapped to his back. You won't find money in it:
Demo wisely invests in gold, which he then spends on rare cask-aged
liquors, which he then usually drinks, which is why he keeps it locked
and the key hidden.
The Bird-Man of Aberdeen
Level 1 - 100 Mascot
This shoulder-mounted feathered friend comes in any color you like,
and is so full of whiskey it couldn't fly off if it wanted to. Great
to have around if you decide to eat it—just turn your head and bite!
The Apparatchik's Apparel
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
Toting around a 150-kilogram minigun gives those forearm muscles a
nice workout. Show them off with these rolled-sleeved shirts, in your
choice of argyle, lumberjack, rugby stripe or vertical pinstripe.
The Gentleman's Ushanka
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Made from genuine German rabbit fur, this military-grade trappers' hat
makes the perfect complement to the Officer's Ushanka. Let the officer
in your life know you'll always be right behind them, with a Medigun
at the ready and a matching wardrobe.
Liquidator's Lid
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This wool cap/granny glasses combo fits any assassin, whether he's
saving orphans in heated gun battles with the mob or impersonating
lead guitarists in world-famous Irish rock bands.
The Fed-Fightin' Fedora
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This hat commemorates that time you stuck it on a broom and tricked
the Feds into shooting at it for an hour while you scooted off with
all that bank money. Goes great with all those bullet wounds in your
torso from that time you pulled the same trick on much smarter Feds.
Dillinger's Duffel
Level 1 - 100 Backpack
This duffel comes with leather straps so all your money doesn't fall
out. The leather straps also don't tighten all the way, so some money
WILL fall out, and ladies will know how rich you are. (Answer: Very.
Also handsome.)
The Business Casual
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
It's casual business up front, and more casual business in the back.
Now: check those sides. Yep. It's casual business there too. Cover all
the casual business bases with this unbuttoned suit jacket.
The HazMat Headcase
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This impermeable, gas-tight hood keeps your head at a comfortable
350-degree temperature throughout the day. The tinted visor lets you
sweat off that unsightly face fat in the privacy of your own
sweltering hell.
The Idea Tube
Level 1 - 100 Backpack
This handsome leather cylinder improves on the diary in every way. Do
you have secret thoughts? Write 'em down, ball 'em up, and stuff 'em
in the tube. It's incredibly easy to find a thought when you need it,
too. Simply empty out the tube and there they all are. You're just one
simple unballing away from remembering it.
The Triad Trinket
Level 1 - 100 Necklace
Clothes make the man, and jewelry makes the man look ridiculous if not
worn correctly. This understated gold chain strikes a perfect balance
that says, "Yes, I'm wearing a necklace, but I left the tiara at
home."
The Champ Stamp
Level 1 - 100 Tattoos
Show Chinese organized crime gangs who's boss by wearing their cool
tattoos without actually participating in any of their totally illegal
criminal conspiracies! Note: DO NOT actually show your new tattoo to
ANYONE in a Chinese organized crime gang.
The Marxman
Level 1 - 100 Glasses
Everyone knows laughter is the best medicine. But did you know that
laughter is also the best disguise? No? Well, good thing you're not a
cop infiltrating the Chinese mafia, then. Oh wait you are. AND NOW
YOU'RE DEAD. Look, rookie, these glasses are hilarious.
The Human Cannonball
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Ask any daredevil what they strap onto their heads before getting shot
out of a cannon and the answer will be the same: a glassy, unfocused
stare from years of head trauma. Head trauma that could have been
prevented with this sharp-looking crash helmet.
Awesomenauts Badge
Level 1 - 100 Badge
This badge is a sign of acknowledgment from another mercenary group.
Just acknowledgment, all right? It's not like they like you or
anything. It's not like they wish you'd maybe follow up on that Merc
Party Invite they sent you a couple weeks ago. They're stone cold
killers, you understand? Also there will be spinach dip at the party.
The Lone Star
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You're runnin' the show in these here parts; you deserve a big hat
with a star. The size of the hat is indicative of how much of the show
you're running – which is all of it, by the way. Honestly, we really
don't know how people get respect without this hat.
The Russian Rocketeer
Level 1 - 100 Backpack
The latest in space-primate propulsion, this jet pack has been tested
exclusively by apes! We can't stress enough how few human flight tests
we've conducted with this product!
The Soviet Gentleman
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Heavy is a man of intrigue, and every intrigue-man worth his salt
deserves a fine hat and moustache to sport. That way, people can
excitedly whisper things like: "I wonder how long it took him to grow
that moustache" and "what do you think he keeps under his hat?"
The Pocket Purrer
Level 1 - 100 Satchel
Little known fact: cats are fantastic engineers. Go ahead and ask
about it next time you see one. In case you don't speak feline, "meow"
means "that cantilever is deflected over its g-type joist girder."
It's probably going to say that a lot.
The Koala Compact
Level 1 - 100 Satchel
Watch as your enemies quake in fear at the sight of this tiny koala!
Hear them scream at his horrifying little hat! Smell them reel in
alarm at how deviously small it is! Warning: You may not be able to
stand the terror yourself!
Hat of Cards
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Why did we just take one of those cards out of our hats to blatantly
cheat at poker? Maybe what you should be asking is this: why are our
knives...in your gut?! You might also want to ask: where is the
nearest hospital?! And: is blood as important as everyone claims?!
Medi-Mask
Level 1 - 100 Mask
As a thought experiment, Medic has taken to wearing this mask,
releasing innocuous gas into a room and screaming, "Dear god – the
poison tanker has burst!" to see what people will do. So far, the
tests have been inconclusive. Although, a couple people have died. So
that's interesting.
The Track Terrorizer
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
For a brief stint in high school, Scout joined the track team in one
of his many schemes to pick up girls. He was kicked off the team after
three days when everyone realized he was 23-years-old and also not
enrolled in the school.
Archimedes
Level 1 - 100 Mascot
Before Archimedes came into the Medic's care, he made his living
through wedding dovery. A lucrative trade, but he always felt
something was missing. He looks back on the day that the Medic stole
that catering van during the prime minister's wedding as the best day
of his life. He's been burrowing into the chests of unwitting patients
ever since.
The War Pig
Level 1 - 100 Hat
After complaints that obstructed vision was affecting his performance,
Soldier slapped some goggles on a helmet and charged back into the
fray. His performance did not improve, but on the upside, everyone has
stopped expecting anything from him.
The Bearded Bombardier
Level 1 - 100 Facial Hair
Demo is already a lot like Santa Claus. They both have extensive
knowledge of modern explosives, they both hate Judy Garland, and now,
they can both sport a charming beard and corn cob pipe.
Effect: Genteel Smoke
Soldier's Stogie
Level 1 - 100 Cigar
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes, as is the case with
this hand-rolled Soldier cigar, it's gravel, manure, human hair, and
taco seasoning wrapped up in old band-aids.
Effect: Genteel Smoke
The Crafty Hair
Level 1 - 100 Hair
If you're ever planning on fighting aliens, this is the hair to have.
Aliens are afraid of angular, painstakingly coiffed hair, so the mere
sight of you will send them running back to Mars. Or, alternatively,
we're completely wrong and you're going to die. Either way, though,
you're going to look stylin'.
Area 451
Level 1 - 100 Hat
If aliens ever invaded Badlands and used their special alien powers to
make all of our heads look like alien heads, this is a scientifically
accurate representation of what Pyro would look like. We tried doing
similar mock-ups with the rest of the TF team, but we finished one of
Heavy and haven't stopped crying and vomiting long enough to do the
other ones.
The Vigilant Pin
Level 1 - 100 Badge
This pin proudly states to all that you are at least vaguely aware of
the possibility that maybe aliens exist. You've been to some of those
conventions; you've looked pensively into the sky; you've watched
Signs a couple of times. If extraterrestrials ever show up, you can
proudly show others this badge and proclaim that you once entertained
the possibility that this was maybe going to happen one day.
The Pyrotechnic Tote
Level 1 - 100 Backpack
Any day can be the Fourth of July if you just believe. It also helps
if you have a bag of fireworks – like the Pyrotechnic Tote - you can
set off to distract people when they try to tell you that you can't
take the day off to eat hot dogs and get drunk at the park. Is this
not America, Samuel? Do we not have the freedom to vomit in our own
shoes?
Flunkyware
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
This matching henchman's boots, belt and pocket combo lets you run
away from things, keep your pants up and carry what's left of your
dignity at the same time.
The Hanger-On Hood
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Protect your civilian identity from those who would harm you for your
complicity in nefarious deeds, and those who would punch you in the
stomach for dressing up like a moth.
The Flight of the Monarch
Level 1 - 100 Wings
Unlike real wings, these don't help you fly at all, or have Paul
McCartney in them. However, these wings ARE 100% made from Steve
Winwood.
The Heavy Artillery Officer's Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You never fought in the Big One like your great grandfather. But
there's one thing you've got that he'll never have: GUTS. No wait.
That's what he had. You get this hat.
The Combat Medic's Crusher Cap
Level 1 - 100 Hat
You never fought in the Big One like your great grandfather. But
there's one thing you've got that he'll never have: GUTS. No wait.
That's what he had. You get this hat.
The Heroic Companion Badge
Level 20 Badge
This badge certifies that you are in the company of heroes. Not that
you ARE a hero, of course. Just that you know some, and occasionally
they let you hang out with them.
The Rump-o'-Lantern
Level 1 - 100 Lantern
Since time immemorial man has had two dreams: the dream of flying, and
the dream of tricking people into thinking your ass is haunted.
Airplanes took care of the easy dream. This miracle ass lantern
tackles the other.
The Lacking Moral Fiber Mask
Level 1 - 100 Mask
This grifter's mask is perfect for running the oldest scam in the
book: tricking people into thinking you're a down-on-his-luck,
dishonored robot who's just had dental surgery, then getting them to
lend you money. Also comes with eye-gun, so if the scam doesn't work,
you can rob them.
The Whale Bone Charm
Level 20 Badge
Made of Dunwall's finest whalebone, this charm is guaranteed to be ten
times as lucky as your other jewelry made of skeleton parts. Say
goodbye to that annoying necklace of rabbit feet, bat wings and
shriveled hands you usually wear to buy lottery tickets.
The King of Scotland Cape
Level 1 - 100 Cape
Capes are worn by only the most prestigious individuals. Kings.
Dracula. Teenagers pretending they're wizards. Now you can join their
illustrious ranks with this King of Scotland Cape. Wear it with pride,
and make those prepubescents proud.
The Menpo
Level 1 - 100 Mask
Discover the exciting world of the samurai! Speak quickly and angrily!
Grow facial hair! Maybe if you kill another samurai and apologize
after, you'll get to date his wife! The possibilities are endless!
The K-9 Mane
Level 1 - 100 Spirit Animal
The K-9 mane is perfect for tricky social situations. People will
either only want to talk about the hat, which means they'll be
distracted from that rash making its way up your jugular, or they'll
avoid you altogether. It's a win/win!
The Stovepipe Sniper Shako
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This hat is perfect for the sniper who likes to hide in the shadows,
then run suddenly from those shadows to go lead a parade.
The Foppish Physician
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
Whether you're trepanning a skull to let out the sickness ghosts or
attaching enough leeches to a patient that they'll pass out from blood
loss before you cut off any suspicious-looking limbs, this dapper
ruffed shirt and coat will assure your patients that they came to the
right place for their dangerously insane 18th century medicine.
The Distinguished Rogue
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
This coat does so much of the heavy lifting to make you look like a
sophisticated man of espionage, you won't need to wear anything else
at all. Watch those heads turn the next time you attend a fancy gala
completely nude except for a coat. So jealous. How about that guy
calling the police? Is HE jealous? Yeah he is.
Sir Hootsalot
Level 1 - 100 Mascot
If owls are so smart, why did this one let you glue it to your
shoulder? Come to think of it, neither one of you is looking like a
super-genius on this one.
The Scarecrow
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Need a scarecrow but you're short on wood and straw? Why not capture
the Spy, stitch his mouth shut, give him buttons for eyes and stick
him in your corn field? He probably won't mind. Everybody likes corn.
The Crone's Dome
Level 1 - 100 Hat
For hundreds of years, women have enjoyed all the perks of being a
witch (making potions, having warts, getting burned alive) while men
stood on the sidelines. No longer! Break through that haunted glass
ceiling with the Crone's Dome.
The Executioner
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Being an executioner is a lot more than just killing people. Sometimes
you get to torture them first. Tip: To make things interesting, why
not torture someone until they yell the secret word? (Hint: the secret
word is "Freedom".)
The Bonedolier
Level 1 - 100 Bones
Scare your friends into thinking you're carrying around deadly
grenades. Bask in their relief when it turns out they're only harmless
human skulls.
The Spooky Shoes
Level 1 - 100 Shoes
From Hell! Size 666! Outside of Hell, that's a 5 1/2. Men's!
Experience the agonizing terror of tiny man feet!.
The Spooky Sleeves
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
Get these now, before Glenn Danzig finds out about them and buys them
all! Seriously, you can have a world where these spooky sleeves are in
stock, or a world where Glenn Danzig exists, but not both! Hurry! He's
googling "spooky sleeves" RIGHT NOW!
The Voodoo JuJu (Slight Return)
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Bones: They hold your body up, keep all your meat in place, and
they're all that separates us from jellyfish. Why keep them inside,
where they can't get the acclaim they deserve? Here's to you, bones.
The Exorcizor
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
The power of Christ compels you... to get this snazzy exorcizing
outfit!
The Wraith Wrap
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
The perfect accessory for maintaining anonymity while stealing rings
from midgets.
The Coffin Kit
Level 1 - 100 Backpack
Unlike other survival packs, this handy last-aid kit rightly assumes
that the moment you're in a survival situation, you are going to die.
Just pull the ripcord to inflate the minature coffin into a standard
corpse-sized one that you can die right into.
The Cockfighter
Level 10 Hat
Let all those chickens on the battlefield know you're one bad clucker
with this paintable all-class rooster helmet.
The Hitt Mann Badge
Level 1 - 100 Badge
The Hitt Mann lets the world know that you're the highest class of
professional assassin. Now comes with a handy barcode for faster
supermarket checkouts when shopping for assassins in a hurry.
That '70s Chapeau
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Go incognito with this sunglasses and leather cap combo, the perfect
disguise for infiltrating Huggy Bear lookalike conventions.
The Chief Constable
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The best product to let you pretend to be a British police officer
since SpyTech's "Scotland Yard" backyard disguise kit.
The Siberian Sophisticate
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
The shirt and tie let enemies know you're all business. But the
short-sleeved vest tells them you're the kind of businessman who can't
find a suit jacket that covers your huge guns.
The Deadliest Duckling
Level 1 - 100 Duck
Every time you fed a duck a breadcrumb, you were financing the Duck
Mob. You're implicated. There's no going back now. Take this duck, go
to the corner of 43rd, and enter the black Cadillac. When you meet the
Don, don't make any jokes about horse heads. He hates that.
The DethKapp
Level 1 - 100 Hat
For centuries, mankind has struggled in vain to answer the question of
who built this city on rock and roll. This hat/hair combo finally
answers that age-old mystery: It was you!
Nose Candy
Level 1 - 100 Mask
Dress up your respirator to trick people into thinking you're a
delusional maniac living in a fantasy world!
Rail Spikes
Level 1 - 100 Spikes
There we were, assembling some collars, when we thought, "Yes, they're
cool. But what's missing?" That's when we realized: lots of sharp bits
welded onto the round bits.
Brock's Locks
Level 1 - 100 Hair
The first time the sun glints off of this manly mane of teased,
tousled trusses, you'll wonder why you didn't get hair implants from
your lower back and buttocks years ago.
The Tuxxy
Level 1 - 100 Tuxedo
The carpets will run red with enemy blood thanks to this dapper Second
Annual Saxxy Awards ensemble.
Faerie Solitaire Pin
Level 1 - 100 Pin
Made with exacting attention to detail, this imitation faerie wing pin
is indistinguishable from the real thing. Finally get rid of all those
actual decomposing faerie wings stapled to your clothes, while still
letting people know you have some strong opinions about mythical
beings.
The Winter Wonderland Wrap
Level 1 - 100 Mask
Just because you're an unknowable enigma doesn't mean you shouldn't
bundle up. Remember what your mom told you... if you even HAVE one,
you inscrutable person of mystery!
The Cut Throat Concierge
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
Trick your enemies into thinking you are the doorman at a classy
hotel. By the time they get wise, you'll be miles away with their car
and luggage, rummaging through their clothes and laughing at them.
Der Wintermantel
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
This fur-lined coat/sweater combo comes with Mann Co.'s guarantee
that, as with all of our products, at least three endangered species
went extinct during the making of this product. Note: fur is
synthetic.
The Cool Breeze
Level 1 - 100 Kilt
Forget coffee, lad. THIS'll wake ye up on a cold winter morning.
Soldier's Slope Scopers
Level 1 - 100 Hat
These extreme pro ski goggles let folks know there're be no bunny
slopes for this guy. Not with YOUR middling-to-average ski skills. No,
YOU'LL be skiing on all the intermediate slopes you can find, thank
you very much—hunting out those tasty gradual inclines.
The Cold Killer
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Melt into the wintry shadows with The Cold Killer, assuming the
shadows are a mixture of white, red, brown and khaki.
Doc's Holiday
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
Comes in "Flu" and "Fever" styles, depending on the epidemic you'd
most like to embody while on vacation.
The Digit Divulger
Level 1 - 100 Gloves
Keep your hands warm and your fingers freezing with these paintable
leather and suede fingerless gloves.
Tough Stuff Muffs
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Frostbite of the ears halts blood flow, and leads to tissue death,
gangrene, and infection. And nobody wants to look at your gangrenous
infected ears. Cover up those frostbitten abominations with these
stylish earmuffs.
Heavy's Hockey Hair
Level 1 - 100 Hair
Commemorate the age-old tradition of pummelling your opponents
senseless on ice by sporting the stylish and practical hairdo of goons
and enforcers worldwide.
The Mutton Mann
Level 1 - 100 Hair
Enjoy the absolute cutting edge of nineteenth century sideburn fashion
with these lustrous, face-hugging muttons. There's no meat in these
chops, ladies—but there's plenty of beefcake.
The Merc's Muffler
Level 1 - 100 Scarf
The perfect winter accessory for those times when your holiday fun
escalates into a high-casualty firefight. 90% more blood-absorbent
than any other scarf on the market!
The Barnstormer
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Step into the headgear and facial hair of America's favorite
aviator/filmmaker/toenail-and-Jarate collector with this hotshot
aviator hat and rakish movie star moustache.
The Carl
Level 1 - 100 Hair
Action stars like Bruce Willis and Vin Diesel have shown us the
unstoppable power of baldness. On the other hand, Nic Cage's long
flowing hair was pretty great in Con Air. This male pattern baldness
wig solves the problem of what (if any) hair to have, by giving you
the best of both worlds. Comes with free moustache!
Aqua Flops
Level 1 - 100 Flip-Flops
While the rest of your body's at war, why not treat your feet to a
little taste of the tropics?
The Hunger Force
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
Let your enemies know you're a loose cannon by showing them how little
you care about your own appearance. You've let yourself go, and have
absolutely nothing to lose. Terrifying!
Smissmas Wreath
Level 1 - 100 Pin
Nothing says "Happy Holidays" quite like prickly leaves and poisonous
berries pinned to your chest.
Antlers
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Give your opponents the gift of hesitation this holiday season when
they pause to think, "Is that a cute little deer, or-" KA-BLAM! Dead.
The Reindoonicorn
Level 20 Balloon
Tenth Most Famous Reindeer? Not for long! Reindoonicorn may have hit
rock bottom after being benched in favor of a mutant with a
bioluminescent growth on his nose, but those decades spent bouncing
from one halfway house to the next have given him all the grit and
determination he needs to get back on top! That and the fact that he's
recently been seen hanging around with nine heavily armed lunatics
practically guarantees that this is one reindeer to watch out for.
vision opt in flags (1)
On Equip: Visit Pyroland
Only visible in Pyroland
The Prize Plushy
Level 1 - 100 Pocket Buddy
No more carnival games for you! Why buy three throws for a dollar and
a chance to win a prize plushy for your paramour when you can just get
one from the source and carry it around with you wherever you go!
The Grizzled Growth
Level 1 - 100 Facial Hair
Whether it's the rugged charm of your chin locks or the fumes from the
overripe pomade, the ladies are sure to swoon whenever you're near.
Shave it off while they're dazed and pretend you saved them from a
bear attack when they awake. Works every time.
The Last Straw
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Do you love farmin'? Do you hate the sun? Well shade yer noggin, grab
yer hoe, and keep yer scattergun handy to scare off any varmints might
come a-trespassin'.
The Wilson Weave
Level 1 - 100 Hair
Hear ye, hear ye! Re-enact famous moments in barber history with this
tricorn hat of hair!
The Brütal Bouffant
Level 1 - 100 Hair
This brutally heavy all-class sideburns and mullet combo was
hand-sheared from the manes of Icelandic headbangers, woven with
sigil-encrusted knitting needles of occult significance, and
air-mailed straight out of hell.
Buck Turner All-Stars
Level 1 - 100 Shoes
Named after the famous Badlands sprinter who set a land speed record
for sleeping with other men's wives. Turner designed the shoes to
escape angry mobs of husbands, but sadly could not outrun diabetes.
Both his feet were later amputated.
Vox Diabolus
Level 1 - 100 Hat
With this Vox Populi anarchist mask, you can terrify your enemies into
thinking you're the Devil Himself, or worse, a protestor. Either way,
they're probably going to avoid you at the entrance to the supermarket
when you try to get them to sign something.
The Pounding Father
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Heavy cannot tell lie. Heavy is first President of United States. Of
crushing little baby men.
Blind Justice
Level 1 - 100 Facial Hair
Want to command respect from people standing at an indeterminate
distance from your immediate right? Bolt on a platinum Pinkerton badge
and experience the thrill for yourself!
The Person in the Iron Mask
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Turkey? Chicken? Game hens? Your head? This cast iron poultry furnace
will smoke anything placed inside it.
The Doe-Boy
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Protect the important thoughts in your head -- ones like "liberty" and
"freedom" and "democracy" -- with good, honest, hat-shaped American
steel. This helmet won't run (until heated to 2500°F)!
The Sydney Straw Boat
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Throw this hat on the ground to express rage, or in the air to express
joy! Take a hat-based trip through time to learn how your great
grandparents displayed emotions in the days before emoticons!
The Steel Songbird
Level 1 - 100 Mascot
It gets pretty quiet in that sniper's nest. Why not treat yourself to
the haunting rhythmic symphony of bolts being constantly pooped by
this mute, easily terrified incontinent bird?
Croft's Crest
Level 1 - 100 Badge
This badge lets your enemies know you're as brave as a shivering,
weeping, blood-stained 17-year-old British girl.
The Fortune Hunter
Level 1 - 100 Cosmetic Axe
Whether it's lying at the bottom of a dusty tomb or hiding in plain
sight in the cavity behind someone's eyeballs, any treasure is just
one swing away with this trusty adventure axe.
The Tomb Wrapper
Level 1 - 100 Bandages
These coarsely woven bandages were stolen from a mummy being prepped
for surgery in an ancient Egyptian pyramid hospital. They're filthy!
But priceless.
The Breather Bag
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Since the invention of the garbage bag, humanity has longed to put it
over its head. Until now, this usually meant immediate asphyxiation.
UNTIL NOW! Plastic bag over your head? Breathing air? Thanks to the
geniuses at FaceBagHole Co., you don't have to choose.
The Weather Master
Level 1 - 100 Hat
They called you INSANE when you claimed a helmet with foam clouds and
lightning taped to it would give you weather powers! Now you'll show
them! You'll show them ALL! Moo hoo ha ha ha! (This helmet does not
give you weather powers.)
The Bacteria Blocker
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The human face is nature's garbage can. Everything from saliva
(make-outs) to grease (engine repair) to clumps of partially chewed
beef (eating) to poison (food-tasting for kings) can be found on the
average (your) face. Keep it marginally less filthy with the Bacteria
Blocker.
Der Maschinensoldaten-Helm
Level 1 - 100 Helmet
As the saying goes, "Those who cannot remember the alternate past are
condemned to repeat it." Since you have to do it again anyway, why not
liven things up with an evil robot costume?
Die Regime-Panzerung
Level 1 - 100 Cosmetic Armor
As the saying goes, "Those who cannot remember the alternate past are
condemned to repeat it." Since you have to do it again anyway, why not
liven things up with an evil robot costume?
Mister Bubbles
Level 1 - 100 Pocket Buddy
Thwart pickpockets, pocket-squatters and cheaters who ignore the rules
of the "What's in my Pocket?" game with the last word in iron-clad
diminutive pocket defense. Also works with underwater pockets!
The Big Daddy
Level 1 - 100 Mask
Enjoy all of the benefits of being President (leading the free world,
joining up with bank-robbing surf-gangs, steep discounts at fast food
restaurants) with this tricky Presidential mask.
The First American
Level 1 - 100 Mask
Statesman. Scientist. Inventor. Pretend to be all of these things and
more with this Benjamin Franklin mask. So life-like, the real Franklin
will think he invented another version of himself!
The Gilded Guard
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The Criminal Cloak
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
The Dread Hiding Hood
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The Baronial Badge
Level 1 - 100 Badge
The Little Bear
Level 1 - 100 Pocket Buddy
Make sure the contents of your pockets are distributed fairly with the
latest in Communist pocket enforcement.
The Crosslinker's Coil
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Did you know: before the mercenary fashion world discovered the
obvious style and mental health benefits of wearing 22 feet of powered
electrical cable around your head, people once wore hatbands made from
'silk' or other barely-lethal textiles! Strange but true.
The Beastly Bonnet
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This ceremonial headdress tells your enemies that you have the heart
of a lion, the strength of a bear, the speed of a cheetah, and the
rotting head of a cheetah.
The Cheet Sheet
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
This cheetah-print skirt intimidates on the battlefield while allowing
for freedom of movement. Let's be honest, it doesn't do a bad job of
showing off those man-curves either.
The Tartantaloons
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
Are these Scottish pantaloons historically accurate? You got us. Why
don't you go ask your boyfriend History?
The Steel Sixpack
Level 1 - 100 Cosmetic Armor
This wrought-iron cuirass has been exactingly molded from the
imaginary muscles you wish you had.
The Centurion
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Unlike those cheap knock-offs, the brush part of THIS centurion helmet
is made from the HEAD hair of your fallen enemies.
The Tartan Shade
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This patterned cloak lets you skulk undetected in any plaid-covered
shadows.
The Hardy Laurel
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This bundle of spray painted sticks signified that you were a
philosopher king in primitive cultures like Ancient Rome and
present-day Canada. (Equips Romevision in Mann vs. Machine mode.)
vision opt in flags (4)
The Brotherhood of Arms
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Straight outta 2Fort.
The Well-Rounded Rifleman
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The smooth lines of this versatile number will be instantly vaguely
familiar to anyone who's ever seen a train conductor, been arrested in
France, or fought in the U.S. Civil War.
The Breakneck Baggies
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
Combining the comfort of pajamas with the genital-concealing
subterfuge of pants, these aerodynamic trackies will let your enemies
know you're a man of mystery who probably got a good night's sleep.
The Powdered Practitioner
Level 1 - 100 Hat
An integral part of any travel survival kit, this wig will help you
escape Disney World if the Hall of Presidents ever comes to life.
Comes with tri-corn hat in case Pirates of the Caribbean comes to life
instead.
The Pocket Pyro
Level 1 - 100 Pocket Buddy
Loneliness is the world's deadliest silent killer. Next to carbon
monoxide. But cuddle up to this adorable firebug, hold your breath,
and you'll be free to concentrate on loud killers like car crashes and
Freddy Krueger.
The Cloud Crasher
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This paratrooper's helmet keeps your head safe while you jump out of
planes. Show those birds who's boss! Teach some fluffy little clouds
what they'll get if you ever catch them around your sky again!
The Pom-Pommed Provocateur
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The thick woolen pom-pom stitched to the top of this ski mask is
filled with poison, in case you are captured by people who want
information on why you look ridiculous.
The Dark Age Defender
Level 1 - 100 Cosmetic Armor
This knight's armor will repel anything someone from the 12th century
might throw at you, be it a rock, a sword, a thatched cottage or a
Merlin.
The Tyurtlenek
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
Around the skinny neck of an intellectual, jewel thief or Frenchman, a
turtleneck tells people: "Please open-hand slap me in the face." On
the iron frame of the Heavy, it says only: "I wear what I want."
The Mair Mask
Level 1 - 100 Hat
Comes with a full can of MAIR, Mann Co.'s air substitute! One part
nitrogen, no parts oxygen, NINE parts electrolytes—Mair gives
regular air a kick in the pants for manly lungs on the go.
The Bigg Mann on Campus
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
"I should put a big red A on this thing for 'ALL SPORTS', cause that's
my specialty."
The Cool Cat Cardigan
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
"Boom! Now I'm in the fifties! I look good in ANY decade!"
Greased Lightning
Level 1 - 100 Hair
"I'm the only one on this team not balding! Damn right I'm gonna make
my hair look good!"
The Red Army Robin
Level 1 - 100 Mascot
"Is tiny bird. Is adorable. TELL BIRD HE IS PRETTY!"
The Heavy-Weight Champ
Level 1 - 100 Championship Belt
"This belt tells babies that Heavy is champ. Big belt champ of all
time."
The Tsarboosh
Level 1 - 100 Hat
"Does little hat make Heavy's head look big? TELL TRUTH."
The Glasgow Great Helm
Level 1 - 100 Helmet
This knight's helm is perfect for defending against 12th century
offensive weaponry, like swords, sticks and definitely-not-bullets.
The Caffeine Cooler
Level 1 - 100 Cooler
"Each canna Bonk's got four thousand percent of the daily caffeine a
body needs, so you KNOW it's good for ya. And I drink 'em by the case,
so I'm extra healthy."
The Half-Pipe Hurdler
Level 1 - 100 Skateboard
"My moves are SICK, brother. Ask your girlfriend, cause she's been
watchin'. Don't blame her, she's only human."
The Macho Mann
Level 1 - 100 Glasses
Sometimes it really does take a village, people.
The Trash Toter
Level 1 - 100 Satchel
"Waste not, want not, son."
The Dry Gulch Gulp
Level 1 - 100 Refreshment
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. And when a man
needs killin', I oblige him."
El Muchacho
Level 1 - 100 Poncho
Cosplay as a sleepy cowboy with this authentic 19th century sleeveless
fleece snuggie.
The Backpack Broiler
Level 1 - 100 Barbeque
I've got your back... steaks.
Effect: Genteel Smoke
The Burning Bandana
Level 1 - 100 Bandana
Time to clean house.
The Soot Suit
Level 1 - 100 Shirt
Business up front. Ten deadly gallons of pressurized gas in the back.
The Hive Minder
Level 1 - 100 Hat
The leading cause of death on the battlefield? You guessed it: Bee
stings.
The Katyusha
Level 1 - 100 Hat
"Heavy does not need plane to crush you. Only fists and hat."
Das Hazmattenhatten
Level 1 - 100 Safety Apparatus
"Breathing is agreeable to me, but sometimes there is air-stench. Now
I laugh in the face of air. Thank you, this hat." (Description
translated from German.)
Das Feelinbeterbager
Level 1 - 100 Supplies
"Hello, men of war! You will be dead soon. Here are pills."
(Description translated from German.)
Das Ubersternmann
Level 1 - 100 Hat
"You are not important but I am. My hat is a secret hat." (Description
translated from German.)
Das Metalmeatencasen
Level 1 - 100 Cosmetic Armor
"There is strength in your steel breast-blouse. Your chest meat is at
ease." (Description translated from German.)
The Pardner's Pompadour
Level 1 - 100 Hair
"It takes a hard man to tame this ten-gallon Texas hair tornado."
The Birdman of Australiacatraz
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
"Watch like an eagle. Strike like a hawk. Dance like no one's
watching."
The Cobber Chameleon
Level 1 - 100 Mascot
"This little fellah's the perfect snipin' companion. He's quiet, he's
camouflaged, and if you get hungry, you can eat 'im."
The Falconer
Level 1 - 100 Glove
"This falconer's glove's perfect for snipin'. It's sturdy, it's
comfortable, and if a falcon lands on it, you can eat 'im."
Graybanns
Level 1 - 100 Glasses
Gray Mann might be a heartless villain. But he DOES make some sweet
sunglasses. Hate the player, not the game.
The Black Watch
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This Scottish infantry tam o'shanter commemorates the desperately
sober 5th batallion, who tried to make liquor out of gunpowder and
accidentally invented sticky bombs.
The Tartan Spartan
Level 1 - 100 Helmet
"Lads, tonight we DRINK IN HELL! And it's only noon right now, so
let's ALSO DRINK RIGHT HERE!"
The Gaelic Golf Bag
Level 1 - 100 Golf Clubs
"Ach, t'is a Cinderella story! Outta nowhere. A former demolitions
expert, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a
mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the bloody hole!"
The Borscht Belt
Level 1 - 100 Bandolier
"So many little pouches. Now Heavy can help carry your itty-bitty baby
guns."
Das Naggenvatcher
Level 1 - 100 Hat
"In the center of your head lives a skeleton. It is not enough! This
hat is a head-skeleton for the outside." (Description translated from
German.)
The Whiskey Bib
Level 1 - 100 Puffy Shirt
"Sometimes when yer swiggin' woodgrain alcohol from a clay jug, a wee
bit can miss the mouth, like. Catch those precious drops with a
genuine Scottish whiskey bib."
The Stormin' Norman
Level 1 - 100 Helmet
This knight's helm was painstakingly recreated using stills from the
classic time travel episode (Ep 417: "A K.I.T.T. in King Arthur's
Court") of the hit TV show Knight Rider.
The Flared Frontiersman
Level 1 - 100 Apparel
"I'll tell you what, these wide-bottom pants're slick as a whistle."
The Valley Forge
Level 1 - 100 Hat
This tricorn is a tribute to our country's greatest President. The
tiny medal on it is a tribute to the ribbony children's medal he won
for inventing America.
The Compatriot
Level 1 - 100 Mascot
"This is not a bird, maggot! It is a shoulder-mounted symbol of
freedom, and you WILL salute it in this man's army!"
The Caribbean Conqueror
Level 1 - 100 Hat
"You! Stop jibbing that mainsail and give me twenty! You up in the
crow's nest! Drop that telescope and get on your face! Everybody on
this ship start doing push-ups!"
The Colonial Clogs
Level 1 - 100 Shoes
"I can confirm that these are George Washington's actual shoes,
because I found them buried two feet up an Englishman's ass!"
The Whirly Warrior
Level 1 - 100 Helmet
"To your left, some French buildings. Directly in front of us is the
Eiffel Tower, which I'm about to bring down. This concludes our
helicopter tour of France."
The Federal Casemaker
Level 1 - 100 Hat
"Men, if we are going to take down Al Capone, we will need to be in
the FBI. Step one: These hats."
The Rebel Rouser
Level 1 - 100 Hat
"Hold on, why are Americans fighting other Americans? Did everybody in
France die and nobody told me?"
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